I brought my laptop into chemo today, so I thought I would post a little blog.
As I type this Nurse G is taking blood through my port...no worries it doesn't hurt. I hope my blood count levels are good. Aside from checking blood levels today I'm also taking an IV bag of anti nausea, a shot for my red blood cells and for my white as well....plus good ol' Flo the pump comes home with me today.
Friday the 30th I have a PET scan schedule to see how well we have kicking Hodgkin's ass! I am excited I can't wait for the results from Dr. A on June 3rd. Althought I know the PET scan is going to show amazing things I still hold reservations. Why? because I know no matter how good things look I still have more chemo to go through. This PET scan is only the 1/2 mark.
I'm also worried because over the past 2 weeks my night sweets have come back. I have been getting so hot everynight that I undress and reposition directly under the fat while I sleep. I don't think this is a very good sign, especially since this was one of my sypmtoms when I was first diagnosed. AW Crap.....
I totally don't mind being bald, and 8 times out of 10 I'd rather be out and about with out a hat or scarf....and I DO NOT want to have anything to do with a wig!
Bald Diary Entry 052709: Is it odd that I wash my bare scalp with volumizing shampoo and conditioner that containers hemp seed extracts? Perhaps it will cause new hair to grow out full and beautiful and help kick the nausea from chemo this morning. Only time will tell.
The Purple Club
Having cancer is like being part of a [not so] exclusive club. I have been amazed at the number of people who have shared their cancer stories with me. These stories of survivorship, weakness, hard truths, and grace keep my hope and fight tank full.
I see cancer everywhere now. It’s like when you buy a new car; you don’t notice how many other people also drive your same car model and color. When I was walking through an open house several weekends ago, I noticed the family living there had lost a little girl to cancer. At the grocery store last week my eyes connected with a mid aged woman wearing a scarf covering her bald beautiful head.
Typically I’m the youngest patient in the Chemo lounge at Dr. A’s office; and I’m talking about being the youngest by a good 35 years. But, yesterday in the lounge there was a guy who must have been in his late 20’s early 30’s receiving chemo. He wore a purple bracelet. Cancer comes in many colors, pink for breast cancer, teal for ovarian cancer, and purple for Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. So this guy’s purple bracelet must have meant he was in the purple club.
The Hodgkin’s lymphoma Club.
I have been thinking about this blog and what I want to do with it…I tend to put too much self pressure to write something grand …so I end up putting it off… instead I’m going to make a commitment to blog regularly and to keep it simple. I’m aiming for 3 times a week. I think I can handle that. I have a list of quick blogs I could do when I’m stuck…like a dear cancer letter, ode cancer survey, or maybe share some more of my crazy chemo induced dreams ….so stay tuned…
Medically I have been doing very well. I am on Chemo treatment number 3 week B… got that? Sometimes it’s hard to keep up, and they give me a calendar! I’m looking forward to a PET scan in about 3 weeks to check on progress. I’m excited for the results I know they are going illuminate good news! What I’m not excited about is the appointment; waiting, getting pricked, having blood drawn, injecting radio active dye, more waiting, and then lying in the machine still as the cancer cells say “Cheese” ……Nope, not looking forward to the appointment at all.
I have had a really gunk like, nasty, heavy feeling sitting in my throat and tummy. Eth! Disgusting, I could easily toss my cookies, but I don’t go there. The last thing I want to do is hug the Porcelain Queen. I’m starting to notice patterns in my therapy too.
Day 3 and 4 of a treatment I’m really tired and wiped out. Days 1-3 am hooked on chemo for about 2 hours, and I have done a good job of sleeping through it. Day 4 I’m exhausted and in bed most of the day. The chemo drug I get on day 8 does a number on my mouth. It hasn’t been too bad, but I’ve come to expect it. By day 12-13 my bones hurt, but I have been able to keep the pain bearable. It’s hasn’t all be a cake walk, but who wants icing on one’s toes anyways? .........Wait maybe I don’t want to know the answer!
We have all heard really dumb blonde jokes. Well I have been experiencing “Chemo Brain” a type of dumbness, which makes blonde jokes weak in comparison. Some days I’m just in a complete fog. Lionel makes little jokes gets no reaction from me, he tries to explain something to me and I say “Babe, I’m not gonna get it right now, so you can stop.” I have left my car keys at cash registers, left the house with two different shoes on (twice!), strange items have ended up in the fridge, mailed a letter without an address, I have just lost my mind in general.
The other day I was working on a painting project. I was looking all around for my paint brush. I couldn’t find that darn thing anywhere and boy was I getting heated. I got up from where I was sitting, threw out a few curse words, ect…finally Lionel said “The one in your hand?” Can you believe the paint brush was in my hand the WHOLE time I was looking for it? Geesh!
Lionel and I have been saying that as the hair get's shorter and shorter more air gets into my brain which is another cause of the Chemo Brain. hahah!
I am a mom with cancer
constantly reminded to go slow.
To be a passionate mother
taking time to watch him grow.
As my angel boy drifts to sleep
I listen to his heart.
Sounds of love beat deep
a symphony, my little Mozart.
Happy Mothers day to me!
An unending give from above
A heart fulfilled with glee
By a boy who I so do love.